The Responsibility of a Woman

Do women carry a higher level of responsibility and accountability for how the world operates?

It's a question I've wrestled with as I've observed both subtle and overt patterns around me—starting with something as simple as household chores. Often, women seem to take initiative while men wait for instruction. It’s not always out of malice or laziness, but something deeper: women tend to notice what needs to be done without being told. Men sometimes don’t.

It can seem that women operate with a higher level of consciousness—an intuitive awareness not just of what needs to be done, but of what ought to be done. Their sense of obligation often leans outward toward others, while men’s sense of responsibility can lean inward toward their own priorities. In a way, women operate from interpersonal obligation, while men often function from a more individual or structural sense of duty. I’ve heard it said: men are the head, but women are the neck. And I’d take it further—women are the advisors, the counselors, the ones who influence the gaze and direction of the head. Whether that gaze is lifted to the heavens or lowered to the ground depends, in part, on her.

This dynamic appears throughout Scripture:

• Eve was the first to eat the fruit, persuaded by the serpent and then gave it to Adam. Though Adam was present, it was Eve’s action that set the course. Her influence was undeniable.

• Jezebel, wife of King Ahab, wielded power behind the throne. She orchestrated Naboth’s murder and introduced idolatry into Israel. Her influence led a nation astray.

• Esther, by contrast, used her influence for good. Though just one woman, her courage and wisdom before the king saved an entire people.

• Sarah, wife of Abraham, vacillated between disobedience and faith. She laughed at God's promise, but eventually believed and played a pivotal role in shaping Israel’s lineage.

Women influence, for better or worse. And maybe that’s why the burden feels so heavy sometimes.

When I was younger, I often felt frustrated when the men around me didn’t contribute—whether at home, school, or on a team. I’d wonder: Why am I the one pulling all the weight? Do I really have to say something every single time? Can’t you see what needs to be done?

That prideful frustration made me think of a time in high school when I became captain of my soccer team. It felt natural—showing up on time, working hard, encouraging others. That had always been me. I didn’t think leadership required anything more.

But one day our coach gathered the captains and expressed frustration that the cones weren’t set up before practice. I didn’t get it. It’s five minutes—what’s the big deal?

He looked at us and said, “As leaders, the small things matter. You set the tone. When you cut corners, so will the team. Excellence in the little things creates a ripple effect.”

At the time, I heard him, but I didn’t get it—until I experienced it.

Before a game, each captain was assigned to lead a small group in warm-ups. My group was slacking. I reminded them we still had minutes left to play keep-away. As I turned to shag a ball, I watched the most vocal complainer walk back to the bench—and others followed.

I was furious. Didn’t I just tell them we needed to keep playing? Were they undermining my position of leadership? I brought it to my coaches the next day, expecting empathy.

But instead, they turned the question back on me: Had I consistently been setting up cones before practice? Was I fully living out the leadership I expected from others?

It hit me—my teammates were watching, even when I didn’t realize it. My example mattered more than my title.

Maybe I realized it wasn’t just about gender roles, but roles of leadership. Being diligent to complete the things you've been called to. Doing them with excellence, pride, and gratitude—not for recognition, but because it's right. Not getting fixated on whether others are pulling their weight or living into their responsibilities, but instead staying focused on your own faithfulness. That’s where true leadership lives.

Being a woman isn’t about fighting for respect, position, or power in comparison to men. It’s about executing our calling with excellence and integrity—especially when it feels like no one notices or cares.

We carry a high expectation, not just from others, but from within. There are moments where we’re tempted to believe the enemy’s lies:

• That our value comes from others

• That we aren't really at fault

• That others are supposed to serve or respect us
  

But leadership requires sacrifice. Just like being a captain meant I was graded on a different rubric than my teammates, being a woman comes with our own set of responsibilities —whether we like it or not we influence even when we think we don't. Even in the silence of others, the disrespect of others, the mistreatment of others, we have influence over those around us.

And influence is power.

I think women know this deep down. That’s why we often fight so hard—for rights, for visibility, for fairness. But in our striving, maybe we’re also trying to be evaluated on a rubric meant for men. What if we leaned into our own design?

Maybe the real power is in doing what we know to be right—laying down cones before practice, saying "no" to the snake in the garden, resisting the pull of validation, and choosing the quiet, unseen acts of faithfulness. I remember running after my team's assistant coach in the parking lot after the next game. "Maria, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across defensive when you and coach spoke to me about my leadership the other day. I was just upset." I told her.

She accepted my apology with grace. Telling me that it was fine and she totally understood. I looked up to her as someone of integrity and leadership I really respected. What's cool about stepping up into own your area of leadership and influence, is you will not only find other women occupying that space, but others who are ready to walk through it and in it with you. I was lucky and blessed that my two other co-captains were willing to also step up and commit to doing what it took to start warm ups on time, and take all of our captain duties seriously. We held each other accountable and were also there for each other to pull a little extra weight when someone was down or having a rough day.

I truly believe that as women, when we make the choice to step in our callings and areas of responsibility, not only can this encourage other women to step up into their area of leadership but can have an influence and impact on shifting the gaze of others.