Benched but Not Forgotten: Finding Purpose and Identity in Christ During Life's Struggles

Is anyone else feeling emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually bankrupt right now? I spent weeks battling voices telling me I should just be grateful—grateful that I’m healthy, financially stable, that things could be worse. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke. I let it all out.

If you know me a little, you’ll know that last April, I recommitted my life to Christ. I had all these big dreams and expectations about how God would use me. I thought the plans He had for my life were finally about to come to fruition. But instead, I’ve lost loved ones, lost relationships, resigned from coaching, moved in with my parents, and, most recently, lost my job. And then, of course, there was COVID-19, which swept away even more.

I remember asking myself, Why would God take everything away from me when I finally choose to do whatever He wants?

Why do I feel like I’ve been benched? Why does it feel like I’ve been sidelined in every area of my life?

The only other time I’ve felt this way was during my senior year of college when my captaincy was revoked, and I spent the rest of the year on the bench. I had gone from the highs of leading my team as captain—making history by being the first team to make it to NAIA Nationals, and being part of the #1 defensive back line in the nation—to being on the sidelines, watching it all slip away. It was gut-wrenching.

So, what did I learn from all this? My identity is not in my title, my role, or in what I do. It’s not in who I think I am or the accolades I earn.

Right now, I may not be making any significant impact in the world. I’m not achieving anything I had hoped for. I feel like I’m forgotten, sitting on the bench, wrapped in layers of coats, with my feet going numb. I’m the one sitting in the rain, snow, and wind, cheering on the team while they face endless losses and there’s nothing I can do about it.

If you’ve ever felt like this, you’re not alone.

There are moments when bitterness and resentment creep in. When I look around, and it seems like everyone else is having a great time, making moves, living their best life, and I’m stuck. And when I start to think that even my own teammates are the ones keeping me from my starting spot, I have to stop. I have to remember something important.

What’s written on my jersey.

Underneath all those layers of coats, scarves, and hand warmers, there’s a jersey that reads: Jesus Christ.

A year ago, I couldn’t say that. My jersey said something very different: Team Self. And let me tell you from experience, Team Self never wins. Even if you’re the star, the one everyone cheers for, scoring all the goals—it doesn’t matter. It feels like an own-goal every time. It never fulfills. It never lasts. It never satisfies.

So, today, if I have to sit another game on the bench, if I have to watch my team face the odds stacked against them, if I have to endure another game in the pouring rain, feeling alone and forgotten, I’ll remember what’s written on my jersey: Jesus Christ.

And what a privilege that is.

I have a Coach who’s never biased, who always encourages, and who believes the best in me. And more than anything else, I know my team will win. The score has already been decided. The end has already been written. Team Jesus is, and will always be, the Greatest of All Time.