A Confession of Loneliness

Hi, it's me, Meredith.

I know you have been hearing from me a lot lately. But here I am again. I'm so scared. Oh I don't know how to do this life I'm living. I want to be loved so bad. And doing this dating stuff is just kicking up all the dust that is on the bare cement floor of my heart.

When the dust is settled, things feel fine. I can breathe and walk in this space. But the more we sweep, the harder it is to breathe, the harder it is to see. I wonder when its ever going to be clean in here.

I wonder when its not going to be vacant here anymore.

Where it feels furnished, like a home, a place you can rest in, a place you can thrive in. I feel so far from that place. And wonder if I will always be living in this dust bowl.

I wish it didn't hurt as bad as it does. Why does it hurt so bad?

I feel forgotten. I am forgotten. I was forgotten.

And so I say, I am here. I am here. I am here. And so everyone else, all singing our lonely, sad songs.

And I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the ones who don't have to worry about their dusty basements. Jesus, help me. Please help me.